Miserable Birthday, Shikamaru!
by leiaah
Summary: Most people love receiving presents, and having surprise parties on their birthdays. "Most" doesn't include Shikamaru. Oneshot, crackfic.


**Title:** Miserable Birthday, Shikamaru!

**Style:** Oneshot, crack

**Characters:** Everyone, woohoo!

* * *

Shikamaru, Hinata, and Shino had been away on a mission for three days. It was supposed to be simple, but running into a band of foolish rogue ninjas on the way back to Konoha, had really done a number on the trio.

Upon seeing the gates of Konoha ahead, a wave of relief washed over them. It had to be around six or seven in the morning and they were completely exhausted from the fight.

"Shikamaru-kun," the small voice of Hinata spoke up as they entered through the great gates into their home.

Shikamaru turned to face her, fixing the positioning of his backpack on his shoulders.

"Happy birthday, I hope the day will be enjoyable for you," she uttered to him, giving a meek smile.

"Thanks, Hinata," Shikamaru replied scratching the back of his neck in a way that conveyed embarrassment.

"I hope you have many more birthdays to come, Shikamaru." Shino turned to him, adjusting his shades and giving a firm nod.

_How depressing,_ Shikamaru thought to himself, giving Shino a grateful smile.

Without further ado, they parted ways to their respective homes, their thoughts having travelled ahead of them and settling on their soft, comfortable beds.

**x**

It took Shikamaru about an hour to reach his household, dump his dirty bag in the closet next to the entrance door, take off his soiled clothing and putting them away, take a quick shower, then finally dragging himself to bed. He was vaguely aware of the tweeting birds, and the village coming to life outside his house, when darkness swallowed his vision.

Not a lot of time could have passed when he was startled to wakefulness, by a certain loud-mouthed female.

"Happy birthday, Shikamaru!" Ino sang, sliding open his room door and casually letting herself in.

Ino almost threw herself on his bed next to him.

"Wake up loser, I got you some presents."

Shikamaru was not even remotely interested. He rolled around in his bed, away from her, but alas it was in vain. She pulled the covers off of him (thank God he thought twice about putting some boxers on after he came out of the shower) and slapped him awake.

"Get up, I have to explain these!"

"Dammit, Ino! I-"

Shikamaru turned over rather vehemently to the bedside clock, it felt like his eyes popped out of his head, and he wanted to scream. The elapsed time of his sleep was exactly twenty three minutes.

When he opened his mouth to lash out on Ino, he instead received a mouthful of flowers.

"Okay, I got you seven flowers, okay? Listen carefully."

Ino recoiled her hold of the flowers, relieving Shikamaru of the face-full of them, and picked out a flower at random, then smiled almost lovingly at it.

"This is an Alstoemeria. It symbolises friendship- even though sometimes I feel like our friendship had been forced upon us since birth, you know, our fathers and all-"

_Oh no. Not this. Is she going to give me an entire story for each flower she's going to give me now? Troublesome. Troublesome, troublesome, troublesome._

"-but sometimes it's worth it you know? Anyway. Let's see here... hmm... this is a Camellia, it's a good luck gift for men. You know why I'm giving this to you?"

"Why?" he groaned. Shikamaru had to endure this, so he sat himself up, propping his back against his headboard.

"Because you like Temari. So, I'm giving you this as a good luck charm for your future tries with her okay?" Ino spoke elaborately, flipping her long ponytail over her shoulder.

"You can preserve it so that it doesn't wilt."

Ino suddenly snapped her head up and reached towards his desk to grab the biggest book she can find. She flipped open a page at random, gently laid the flower on the paper, then almost violently closed the book onto it. Ino turned to Shikamaru with a smile.

"Here, leave it in there for a week, and it should be decently preserved."

"I... uh... thanks," Shikamaru had long since decided on the measure of Ino's sanity.

"This," she held up another flower out to Shikamaru, "is a Freesia." Shikamaru moved to take it from her, but she took it back, holding it against her heart. "It means trust. Because I trust you with my life. Like, remember that time when-"

"Ino, thanks, you don't need to remind me."

_The faster this is over with, the faster I can go back to sleep._

She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at him, then picked off another flower without looking, then she smiled upon seeing it.

"This is a Begonia, it signifies deep thoughts. You're really cynical, annoying, and you always have a plan for something, and you're probably cursing me to the high heavens right now, but this is really suitable, so I couldn't keep from picking this out."

Shikamaru couldn't help smiling sheepishly at her when she mentioned 'cursing me to the high heavens'. Had he denied it, she would have gone off in a tirade about how bad of a liar he was.

"This pink Carnation means that I'll never forget you. For many reasons... I won't forget you because I've known you all my life. I won't forget you because you helped me when I needed you. I won't forget you because you were there when I couldn't deal with Asuma-sensei's passing. I won't forget you because you called me a dumbass for pining after Sasuke. I won't forget you because you made me realise how much of a dumbass I _was_, and let me open up my eyes to other people. And I won't forget you because you're awesome."

Shikamaru couldn't help but feel slightly guilty. Ino always meant well at heart, even though she executed her feelings in such a way that it would annoy him.

"And these two, they're your birth month flowers: an Aster and a forget-me-not."

"Thanks Ino. They're really nice," said Shikamaru extending his hands expecting Ino to hand the flowers over.

Instead she shot up the eyebrow that wasn't hiding behind her fringe. He tried not to frown, but he didn't know if it was working or not.

"You're coming downstairs with me, to find a nice vase, and pick a perfect spot for them in the house," she said this matter-of-factly as she tugged on his arm, dragging him out of bed.

Ino had lost all sensibility, he decided. The woman didn't even give him time to put on something decent before they ventured off into his house. His mother would surely shoot him a look of disapproval when she saw him in such a state. And when Ino entered the kitchen with him in tow, he wanted to cry at how right he was.

"Shikamaru," Yoshino said sternly before stepping out of the kitchen with a pile of clean linens in her hands.

"Perfect!" Shikamaru heard Ino cry.

He turned to face her, she was holding a long glass vase he didn't know he had under the kitchen sink, filling just less than a quarter of it. She placed the flowers in one-by-one creating a makeshift bouquet (even if the flowers didn't complement each other in shape or colour). But Shikamaru knew not to underestimate her abilities in Ikebana. She grew up around flowers, so when she was done the flowers looked lovely.

"C'mon, let's find a good place," she said excitedly.

**x**

One good hour later, Ino declared the perfect spot. She claimed that "the location of this particular window has gorgeous, soft lighting during the day," and she only beamed when she received praise from Yoshino for picking out such beautiful flowers _and_ the perfect spot.

Shikamaru was glad to have gotten rid of her later that morning. In his excitement he almost sprinted back to his room and threw himself back into bed; however he was rudely interrupted when his mother barged into his room unannounced.

"Well Shikamaru?" she knew that Shikamaru was aware of what she was on about.

He pleaded, "mum, I'm sorry, but she just came, and I was too tired to get into pyjamas in the first place and-"

"I won't hear it Shikamaru! You're a grown man! I told you many times not to walk around in boxers. You're eighteen, and God knows the girls would catch you and your 'morning surprise'-"

"STOP, STOP!" Shikamaru yelled over his mother's voice, covering his ears. "I thought we agreed not to talk about any of my body parts!"

Yoshino smiled at the stern look her son gave her, "it's as if when you were a baby I didn't see you naked, Shikamaru."

Yoshino smiled fondly at her son, then left his room. He stared dumbfounded after her, unconsciously grabbing his quilt to cover his lower body, all the whilst thinking about how embarrassingly troublesome she was.

**x**

By half past ten, Shikamaru was ready to take on sleep again, so slowly, he drifted between the realms of wakefulness and unconsciousness. He had just been enjoying the falling sensation when a booming voice sounded in his room.

"Hey!"

For the love of God, was he going to get some sleep today? He didn't turn to greet Chouji, but instead snaked his head under his pillow, holding it down from either side, trying to block out the sounds.

"C'mon, wake up, you've had enough sleep!"

No, no he didn't. But he didn't exactly feel like speaking, it was too much effort anyway.

"Get up! I'm taking you out for lunch."

"It's only eleven, Chouji," came the muffled reply from under the pillow.

"My treat, c'mon!"

"Et tu, Chouji?" Shikamaru wanted to cry, if anyone knew him inside out it was Chouji. Why he was being so pushy was beyond him.

"Don't look at me like that, Shikamaru. I've gotta go on a mission with my dad at one, so I won't be seeing you for another five days."

"Fine," Shikamaru sighed in defeat as he pushed the covers off of him, feeling like death.

Begrudgingly slowly, Shikamaru slipped into some casual wear, all under the watchful eye of Chouji. He was too annoyed and tired to care about the predicament, so he just went with it.

Finally out of his home, Shikamaru spoke up.

"So, where are we going?"

"To my favourite barbeque joint!" said Chouji with a certain glint to his eyes.

"Isn't it my birthday?"

"You have a favourite restaurant?" Chouji sounded surprised.

"No... but it wouldn't have hurt to ask." Great, now _Shikamaru_ was being troublesome.

"I know you better than that," and he clapped a big hand on the, usually lazy but by now exhausted, boy's shoulder.

**x**

Surely his stomach was going to explode. Shikamaru was going to pass out. The food made him feel heavy, and his sleepiness adding onto that made it worse to deal with. He leaned back stroking his stomach and feeling apologetic for over stuffing it.

Chouji looked absolutely pleased with the whole ordeal and continued to englut the remaining food on the table. By now (or rather since ten years ago) Shikamaru had learnt not to be surprised by Chouji's appetite. At some point in his childhood, he never doubted that Chouji's stomach harboured a black hole.

"How'd you like the appetisers?" Chouji said after munching down on the last spring roll.

Okay, he was just over doing it now.

"BRING THE MAIN COURSE!"

He was serious.

**x**

By twelve-thirty they finished eating (or rather Chouji did). They soon parted ways and Shikamaru made his way to his home.

He wasn't surprised when the two loudest and most obnoxious people he knew stopped him in his tracks, because by now, he expected not to get a blink's worth of rest.

"Yo, Shikamaru! Happy birthday, man!" Kiba shouted from across the street and jogged towards him.

Naruto, who had been in the vicinity, heard Kiba call out to Shikamaru. He whipped around and came running to Shikamaru with a foxy grin plastered on his mug.

"Happy birthday!" Naruto said once he joined them.

"You guys remembered?" Shikamaru's eyebrows flew.

"Meh... not really, Ino's been mouthin' it off to the whole village," said Kiba jabbing his thumb behind him as though Ino was there.

"Oh man!" Naruto said suddenly, startling Shikamaru, "I just got the best idea ever. You like to sleep right? Right. Oh man, you're gonna love this. I just thought of the best present ever."

"You don't have to-"

"What is it, Naruto?" Kiba seemed more curious than Shikamaru himself.

"Listen," Naruto said rather importantly, "I'm gonna get you a pillow- no wait! _Two_ pillows! Great deal, eh?" Naruto nudged him in the ribs with his elbow.

_He can't be serious..._ Shikamaru thought to himself as Kiba praised Naruto for the rather 'excellent' idea.

Then, just as suddenly as they both appeared, they disappeared; most probably to find a place that sold pillows.

On the plus side, Shikamaru thought, he didn't put in any effort to shoo them away.

**x**

To avoid any other collisions with his friends, Shikamaru took to the training grounds route. It was a Sunday, so he doubted anyone would be training on that day. He enjoyed the walk, intermittently glancing at the sky to admire the puny wisps of cloud that were visible on the especially almost-cloudless day. Taking the long route, Shikamaru decided, was probably not bad of a decision. He got to walk off the giant meal he had, _and_ could enjoy the lovely weather Konoha was having.

Autumn was coming in, so the breeze was rather cool, but it didn't make him feel cold because the sun hung high in the sky, covering the Earth with warmth. The birds tweeted and danced in the sky, and the ruffle of leaves echoed around the training fields. He felt so relaxed.

"SHIKAMARU!" A high passionate cry sounded from behind.

Shikamaru forced himself to turn around, but was kicked in the face by an orange and green blur.

"What the hell!" said Shikamaru angrily as he caught himself from the stumble.

"Ah, your reflexes are not as sharp as I thought!" Lee cried dutifully. "Come Shikamaru, we must celebrate this glorious day with a healthy five hundred rounds around Konoha!"

"It's your birthday?" a rather manly voice questioned.

"Good afternoon Gai-sensei," Shikamaru politely greeted.

"Gai-sensei! We must actively engage Shikamaru in the super-special-birthday-training!" Lee threw his fist in the air, his eyes ablaze.

"Silence, Lee!" said Gai, punching his student in the face, sending the boy flying several metres away. "This is a time when youth must be set free. When one should push oneself beyond all their physical boundaries! To prove your younger youth cannot outmatch your older youth!"

"Oh, Gai-sensei, you are so wise!" yelled Lee, two perfect flowing streams of tears running down his cheeks.

"Thank you, Lee," the man's teeth shined, and his eyes watered.

Their display never ceased to both surprise and confuse Shikamaru. Gai was so brutal to Lee, yet the student worshiped his sensei, and their relationship was beyond questionable.

"What do you say, Shikamaru? Five hundred laps around Konoha?" he gave Shikamaru the thumbs up.

"What an excellent suggestion, sensei!"

Hadn't Lee suggested that to Shikamaru in the beginning? And Shikamaru was pretty sure Gai had been within earshot. After a moment's thought, he decided just not to question it.

"Hey, Shikamaru," Tenten greeted.

"Hey..." he wanted nothing than to get away now.

Neji and Tenten stood either side of each other, clearly holding looks of disapproval over their teammate and sensei.

"Hey Gai-sensei... Why don't you give yourselves a twenty-three second head-start? Shikamaru is feeling _especially youthful_ today," she said the words with spite.

"Excellent idea, Tenten! Ready Lee?"

The green-clad youngster scrambled on all fours as his sensei drew a starting line with his foot. They crouched, counted down, and sped off leaving a trail of dust and debris in their wake.

"Why twenty three seconds?" Shikamaru quickly asked after coughing out a moutful of dirt.

"It takes them that long to finish one lap around Konoha," said Neji as if it wasn't something amazing, rather that it was something to be frowned upon. Shikamaru had a hard time hiding his shock. "What are you waiting for? Run home, before they come back!"

Shikamaru's brow's furrowed, he stepped back twice, then sprinted away from the area, heading home.

Of course, the day wasn't over just yet. He still had to deal with his father, who took him out for his first legal drink, and when they came back home late that night, most of his friends had surprised him with a little party (although, Chouji, true to his word, had indeed left Konoha for a mission with his father). Had he had a good night's (and day!) sleep he might have enjoyed the gathering. The only sensible and wise people who had laid off of him the entire night were Hinata, and Shino. He (for the second time that day) cursed Ino to the high heavens, who had put everyone up for the party.

And finally, when he went to his bedroom after everyone had left, his mother passed his room laughing so loudly that he was reduced to tears. But no one would ever know that. He also failed to notice that two extra pillows that lay on his bed when he finally (and blissfully) drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N:** I think I went a _little _overboard. But, I dunno. I like tormenting Shikamaru. Credit to my bro for giving me the 'pillows' idea XD! I hope it really is an enjoyable read, because I sure did enjoy writing it. I'm definitely coming back to edit this, I feel like it's all over the place.


End file.
